Enjoying your fetish comes down to accepting that it’s a natural part of your sexual desires and learning to communicate your needs openly with a partner. While many people think of fetishes as being outside the mainstream, many people have one or many. This is because a fetish can be anything—an object, a body part, or a situation. Once you come to accept it as normal, you’ll be able to enjoy your fetish and feel sexually satisfied much more easily and healthily!
Learning to Accept Your FetishDownload Article
- Identify your fetish. A fetish can be a sexual desire regarding almost anything imaginable. People have fetishes about feet, breasts, hands, fat stomachs, flatulence, amputated limbs, shoes, animals, animal furs, and thousands of other things. Learning to accept your fetish starts with identifying ways you are sexually aroused.
More men than women are thought to have fetishes, but this estimate is likely misleading. Because men tend to experience erections and consistent ejaculation, women and genderqueer people are less often identified as having fetishes in research studies.
At least 1/4 of the adult videos produced in the US depict fetishes.
- Find others who share your fetish. Look for sex-positive centers and online groups that support exploring a wide variety of sexual expression. You can do an internet search for “sex-positive” + your fetish item. There are communities on social media as well.
The main thing you are looking for is open, honest communication regarding your fetish. If a website is attempting to sell you things, or make you feel ashamed about your fetish, consider moving on.
Your fetish may be exciting and feel risky, but it shouldn’t actually expose you to genuine danger. Look for communities which employ safe sexual practices.
Online communities can be safe places to ask questions about your fetish, or to find items related to your fetish.
- Consider whether your fetish harms anyone. While there’s nothing wrong with having a fetish, it is never okay to cause harm to another person or yourself. Most of the time, fetishes do not result in harm to other people. Harm to yourself can happen primarily if you become so fixated on your fetish that it interferes with your relationship, your work, or your health.
If you have a fetish that might result in physical injury to yourself or someone else, learn to engage in it safely. Talk to others in the fetish community about how to maintain safe sexual practices within your fetish.
- Realize that fetishes and kinks are normal. Some researchers believe that fetishes are so common that they should be understood as being part of typical, healthy sexual exploration. Understanding your fetish as normal is an important step to take. If you don’t accept your fetish as a normal part of yourself, you’re unlikely to enjoy your fetish.
For many people, the fetish object only needs to be present at the beginning of a sexual encounter.
A fetish item can be something that you require to be present before becoming sexually aroused, or it might not be required for you to enjoy sex.
- Explore your sexuality safely. To enjoy your fetish, remember to keep your sex practices safe, sane and consensual. It’s important to remember to take care of yourself and your sexual partner, physically and emotionally.
Take precautions to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases. You should always use barriers and condoms when appropriate.
Remember that communication is one of the most important parts of sexual intimacy, particularly when you’re experimenting with something, or someone, new. Always communicate when you start to feel unsafe, and immediately respond to another person’s indication of discomfort.
- Avoid isolation. Isolation is the most common cause of depression associated with fetishes. If you don’t find others engaged in your type of sexual fetish online, don’t give up. Not every fetish group is found online. Visual images work well for some kinds of fetishes, but not others.
Some sorts of fetishes, such as diaper fetishes, are more taboo than others in contemporary American culture. If you have a taboo fetish, you’re at higher than average risk for isolation and depression.
Remember that your sexuality is about more than your fetish. While your fetish may be an important factor of sexual fulfillment, it is not your identity.
Sexual frustration can result in depression. Talking to a sex-positive counselor or therapist may help you find support.
You don’t have to defend your fetish to anyone, so don’t get defensive. Having a fetish is normal and natural.
7. Never force your fetish on anyone else. Consent is essential in a healthy relationship. If you have different sexual needs than your partners, recognize this and seek alternatives.
A therapist or counselor may be able to help you through this juncture of your relationship.
Most sex-positive therapist support adapting the relationship to the needs of the person with the fetish rather than working to eliminate the fetish itself.